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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode