Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
I think my guardian angel drinks.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...