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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.