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Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole