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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?
How`d this get posted?