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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.