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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!!!!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.