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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
I forgot to post this earlier
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
Bad decisions make good stories.