Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.