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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Safe words are for quitters.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!