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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Bad decisions make good stories.