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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.