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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.