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I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
Iām going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.