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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
You make me want to be a drunker person
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.