Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car