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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.