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I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.