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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?