Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
Last person to like this wins a prize.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.