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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
How Big is Infinity?
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.