Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?