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My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage