Daily Silly Status

WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.

I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.

Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.

If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?

What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."

I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.

Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.

Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.

I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.

*Sees my name in a math textbook* class: *stares at me* me: "yeah b!tches I bought 60 watermelons"

Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...

Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.

If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...

I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.