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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.