Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.