Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team