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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.