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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.