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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"