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Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?