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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.