Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
It may look like Iām having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time Iām just thinking about what food Iām going to eat later.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.