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You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
People who think Iām not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now Iām legally required to pee sitting down.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?