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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.