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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.