Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.