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People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!