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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks