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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”