Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.