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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.