Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.