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They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you