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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"