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Haters are my motivators(:
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.