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Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...