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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Better late than pregnant.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.