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The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.