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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.