Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.