Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
Go ahead caller 9!!
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.