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It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!