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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks