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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
My life is based on a true story