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I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(