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WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Your things are terrific.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like