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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.