Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.