Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Iām pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M