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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
real eyes realize real lies
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
You can test my patience all you want, but Iām never going to pass.
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!