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Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.