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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that Iām right.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but Iād like to think a beer is the way to go.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.