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Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
This status has been censored by Facebook
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
So long pants! See you Monday!
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)