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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
I just ran a .003048K