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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
I am used but in good condition.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch