Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.