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I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.