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Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
I say the things better left unsaid.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.