Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day