Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie