Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..