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You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...