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I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.