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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
This post is just for you.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.