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Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.