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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.