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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
I`m tired of things costing money
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.