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"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
Hello...
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)