Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...