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Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?