Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Sex, do it for the kids.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......